Surrendering a Dream...

Struggling,

       Crying.

                      Reaching...

Reaching for that,

That which is beyond my reach.

It's there... sparkling, beckoning,

calling my name,

yet, as I,

Hopefully,

   Reach for it.

It slips elusively, from

my fingertips.

Grazing them with an enchanting

touch.

Once I held this dream. 

This beautiful dream.

Consisting of a colorful ambrosia, of

everything sweet. It held

also

        pain...

               tears...

It held a future.

Once I held this dream...

possessively, not without

utmost care... yet,

it slipped,

from my grasp.

so quietly.

I'm on this road,

this rocky trail, through a jungle of

dark thoughts, hopelessly

entangled with bright

memories.

always whispering to me,

feeding my mind with,

forgotten laughter, 

fragments of sparkling remembrances,

a time that is only to be dashed,

in a million

pieces.

My dream lies before me, so tantalizing,

yet I want to

cry, to

      give up 

this road.

Than, I look up.

and see Him. HE!

who clears an overgrown

path. 

He calls, and the sweet tones

caress my tired ears.

He asks me to trust

my dream to Him. He

promises to care for it.

Carefully.

I give it to Him, tears streaking

my cheeks. And I

walk beside Him, down a path,

void of troublesome thoughts...

yes

My dream is there. 

my hope.

It lies ahead,

always

it beckons me...

yet, I am content to leave,

It in my Fathers 

care.

I wrote this a while back in a notebook of mine, as I experienced this. And came across it today. I hope this can be an inspiration to someone somewhere. 

...au revoir...

Who God Wants Me To Be

I have not quit blogging... I just didn't for a month. This month has been interesting for me. I feel like this month was a month of learning, of growth?!? Of discovering myself. Do you ever wake up in life and realize that you have become a cliche? That you have become what other people want you to be, and not what God wants you to be?! Do you ever wake up and realize that you are just not... you?!? I did. A month ago in fact. I literally "woke up" and with a shock, the startling realization hit me, that I did not know "me". It scared me. Truly. I tried to think about how I was, how I felt, what I liked... and sadly it dawned on me, that I was ruling myself out, that when I made choices it was more as if, what will "they" think. This is sounding all about me. Yes, but no. God is definitely in this. Yes, I believe that while I DO want to know about what me likes, it is more important that I know what God wants me to do, how He wants me to live. In the business of life, I feel like i was leaving that precious important part out. How does it happen? God is so ingrained in my life, yet somehow the true worldly, selfish "me" takes over and transforms me into, "everyone elses me". Do I make sense? Or, is this clear as mud?! So, this last month, I pretty much cut out all email, blog, twitter, social life online in other words. My texting life became less priority. I read God's Word more. I thought more. Pondered life more. Prayed more. I feel like I got to know me. God's me. I can now say I am more carefree, I can laugh without inhibition. I treasure every single friend more. It becomes easier to enjoy the smaller things in life. In fact, the small things in life are partly what make me the happiest. I care what people think, but remain true to the God's me. I feel inspired. I love more. I speak more positively. God has given me a new fresh confidence.  I can say that truly. I. Am. Living. Life. I am living God's Life.