Who God Wants Me To Be

I have not quit blogging... I just didn't for a month. This month has been interesting for me. I feel like this month was a month of learning, of growth?!? Of discovering myself. Do you ever wake up in life and realize that you have become a cliche? That you have become what other people want you to be, and not what God wants you to be?! Do you ever wake up and realize that you are just not... you?!? I did. A month ago in fact. I literally "woke up" and with a shock, the startling realization hit me, that I did not know "me". It scared me. Truly. I tried to think about how I was, how I felt, what I liked... and sadly it dawned on me, that I was ruling myself out, that when I made choices it was more as if, what will "they" think. This is sounding all about me. Yes, but no. God is definitely in this. Yes, I believe that while I DO want to know about what me likes, it is more important that I know what God wants me to do, how He wants me to live. In the business of life, I feel like i was leaving that precious important part out. How does it happen? God is so ingrained in my life, yet somehow the true worldly, selfish "me" takes over and transforms me into, "everyone elses me". Do I make sense? Or, is this clear as mud?! So, this last month, I pretty much cut out all email, blog, twitter, social life online in other words. My texting life became less priority. I read God's Word more. I thought more. Pondered life more. Prayed more. I feel like I got to know me. God's me. I can now say I am more carefree, I can laugh without inhibition. I treasure every single friend more. It becomes easier to enjoy the smaller things in life. In fact, the small things in life are partly what make me the happiest. I care what people think, but remain true to the God's me. I feel inspired. I love more. I speak more positively. God has given me a new fresh confidence.  I can say that truly. I. Am. Living. Life. I am living God's Life.

Rain...

Rain

(by Shel Silverstein)

I opened my eyes

And looked up at the rain,

And it dripped in my head

And flowed into my brain,

And all that I hear as I lie in my bed

Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.

I step very softly,

I walk very slow,

I can't do a handstand--

I might overflow,

So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said--

I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head.

haha this cracked me up quite to the utmost..... slishity sloshity yay! :) i love love love rain! It's like the most beautiful thing next to the sun! :) kay byes!

Acceptance

Acceptance. We all struggle with it. With ourselves, with others. Why? I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I myself have a problem with it... which is probably why I have been thinking about it so much. lol. Back to subject. Starting with myself / yourself... why is self acceptance so hard? Truly! If I believe in my Amazing Creator, and the fact that He knows all things, that He knows the Best in Everything... why is it so hard to accept the fact that He has created me to His desire. He has a purpose for you, for me. He has that Perfect Plan. The way I look, is perfect. I am, you are, a beautiful person. Yes, I mean that. God created us this way, so of course. It may not be perfect in my eyes, or in my fellow human peoples eyes. But, than what is? So I become discontented with the way I look, or the way I act, etc... and spend ever so much time trying to change this, so that my peers may look at me and think well of me. It's all about lifting myself up. Right? Obviously God did not give me this life to spend dwelling on myself and how defective I am. My life is for His Glory. Just a reminder.
     Accepting others... When I am not accepting of others I find it easy (personally) to gossip about this person. If I don't watch it I find myself watching this person (and though I may not be so ready to admit it),subconciously though it may be, for faults, for that 'irritating thing'. Does it make me feel better to pick on my peer? Is it a way of trying to lift myself up, by putting them down? Just questions I have to wonder about. I need to remember that God has created them as well as me, and that I really do not know what they are dealing with, personally. Perhaps they are struggling to walk through life, maybe they don't know my Father. Most of all, when I stop and think about it, my problem with accepting others will usually come back to self acceptance. Think about it.

My Walk... and Other Thoughts

As she slowly walked, a gentle breeze riffled through her hair... catching her clear tinkling laugh, tossing it in the air. Looking at her you would see that she was walking with someone, a special friend from the looks of it. She was walking hand in hand with him, and her face portrayed feelings of pure undiluted joy. They continued walking, talking and enjoying their time together. It was so obvious that with each word, with each step she was falling deeper in love with him. He was her king, the king of her heart. He had captured her attention, her heart, her mind. He was her sole focus. She was his princess... She too had captured his love. His Love. She was His princess. He was her King.

      I like to think of this as my relationship with God the Father. Is He your King? Is He your sole focus... Does He capture the beat of your soul? I find (unsurprisingly) that when I am walking with my Saviour, beside Him, getting to know Him; when I am learning to know Him, when He is knowing me, that is when my joy is whole. What a wonderful life to live. Yes, it is a way of life. No, it is not always easy. The Bible says that I as a Christian am part of the Bride of Christ. Think of it this way, when I deliberately sin, when I deliberately encroach, when I deliberately try to take advantage of His Love, His Mercy, is it not spiritual adultery? Do I take it that seriously? Is my walk with Christ my Focus, is it a way of life? Or, is my Jesus that I turn to only when I am in trouble? When I am in need of help, when my life is looking dark, is that when I 'take advantage' of my Amazing God? The only way, I have learned, to have a successful relationship with my King, is that I must walk with Him, daily. The only way I can ever learn to know a friend is to talk to them often, to interact with them. Surely it is the same with our Friend. I feel like this post is as much for me, something I need to and have been thinking about.I hope this can further inspire someone. This Is  My resolve: To get to know my Best Friend, to let my Best Friend know me. 

Life...

Life is just so awesome right now! :) The sun is shining and it's absolutely gorgeous outside right now! Today our youth are going to go play softball and have discada for supper... a farewell for one of our youth guys... (he's leaving for Haiti for 2 years and I am SO JEALOUS :) ) Life is just so awesome, phenomenal, superb, extensively cool... does that make sense? I'll pretend it does ;) I guess I kinda feel that life is slowly slowly getting to be... under control. Under control? No... I am not in control, but I feel like well, you ever have those times when everything in life jus starts... clicking into place? Or so it seems... I feel like life is more organized now... :) And I am even making progress on my Resolutions! yay! :) A grand feeling. PLUS SPRING HAS SPRUNG! and that makes life even happier... along with the fact that Easter is tomorrow. The older I get, the more I think about Easter... THE Easter story... God's unimagineable, out-of-our-comprehension love! It makes everything about life... the joys, the sad parts all seem so trivial. Not? It does for  me... when I think of His incredible Plan! Life. Is. So. Amazing! :) I have had my ramble now... yay! bye... till tomorrow!

P.S. plus now that my life is more in place..... I'll have a little more time to post :)

Something to ponder...

Live each day as if it were your last, yet plan as if you were to live forever...

Writer's Block

I can't think of what to write
Mind boggled with out a sight
Love, friendship, religion
Nothing seems to be right

My thoughts are halted
My pencil has stopped
The words aren't coming
My mind's a joke

Wish I could think
To show my feelings
But the words aren't there
So I write this here

 ~Gary R. Hess

ahem. This took the words right out of my mouth! :)